So, rather than focusing on what is driving me crazy I need to figure out a way to survive through hours, days, weeks, and months like these and be able to look back with some semblance of pride as to how I handled it. At this moment I’m doing a few things that are helping so I’ll share them with you. Please bare with me because I’m literally writing this on 4 hours of sleep with an off and on cranky boy hounding me and screeching at random intervals, two other young children momentarily distracted by a video but also sleep-deprived because of their younger brother, and the dreaded feeling that our family will most likely not be driving the two hours to a family reunion that I really want to attend today. Oh, and it’s been pouring down rain for about 5 hours straight now! I guess I did just focus on what is driving me crazy, but I think that part of the solution does lie in being able to do that.
Here I go with an attempt at a survival guide, wish me luck!
1. Do something that makes you happy, or at least happier – For me that meant immediately starting the hot water for tea, putting on my comfy sweats, and starting up the computer.
2. Do something that makes your kids happy – For the older two it was turning on a video (we don’t have TV), giving them a Snacktrap with cereal, and not worrying if they had a bit more “screen time” than we might typically allow. For my 14 month old it meant giving him another bottle of milk (we usually only give one in the morning and one at night but since he had his at 3am I was ok giving him another one – it made him happy for about 5 minutes!) and giving him a toothbrush to chew on (someone told me that made their teething baby happy). I would medicate him but I already tried that at about 4am so I can’t give him more for a while, plus it doesn’t seem to be doing anything to help.
3. Get your frustration off your chest in a constructive way – This often means taking a step away from the situation by going for a walk (I can’t in this rain), talking to a friend who understands (I won’t wake them up this early!), or writing it out. I’ve found that writing or talking through my frustration and anger really helps me to gain a new perspective on it. Typically once I get it off my chest I can take a step back, breath, and gain some new energy and hope that this too will pass. I already feel so much better just having taken the time to write, even if my circumstances haven’t changed. A few other things that might help, depending on your personality, could be cooking or baking or working on some craft that you enjoy – just realize you won’t go uninterrupted!
4. Check in often with your kids – Even if they do start entertaining themselves and calm down enough for you to relax don’t give yourself the green light to write them off until they are needy again. When you see them doing something nice go join them for a few minutes. I just spent a bit of time putting MegaBlocks together with my youngest and felt so much better doing that than only attending to him when he is melting down at my feet. Stop and ask your other kids how they are doing, go sit with them for a minute or two and cuddle as they are contently distracted. It feels so good to give and receive love, especially when you are feeling so overwhelmed!
5. Count your blessings – How many people would love to be parents but can’t be? A lot! How many people would love to be able to hold and comfort their children when they are grumpy or sick and can’t – I’m sure many. How many people would love to be able to complain that their only ailment is sleep-deprivation but instead live with the reality of chronic pain, cancer, mental illness, or more? As soon as I allow my mind to go here (and sometimes it takes a while because I just want to have a pity party) I can no longer allow the cloud of darkness and despair to remain. Not that it just disappears but it sure doesn’t look so big or overwhelming. Circumstances could be SO much worst.
6. Cry out to God – I admit I know this should be the first step but way to often it’s not. I wait until I am no longer in control and afraid of what I might do until I cry out. It’s more of a whining groan actually. Just like my kids do with me. Wow, what a mirror into humanity! One of my favorite verses, and one I cling to often, is found in James 1:5, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt.” Don’t just ask in your moment of despair; keep asking, especially when you no longer feel the despair of the moment. I’ve been amazed at the different methods God has used to give me the wisdom I seek: a casual conversation, something I read that initially seems unrelated to my issue, words I write that aren’t mine, fresh insight I receive while walking, running, or simply being outdoors. So ask, and ask again, and don’t stop asking or believing. And surround yourself by others who ask because you are much more likely to receive real wisdom from them when you do!
Ok, that’s about all I can think of right now! My youngest is now down for a nap, my older two are ready to eat, and I’m ready to sit down and enjoy their company – and then go wake my husband up so I can either go back to bed or we can get on the road!
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