She Said Yes

On the tail of finishing Love and Respect I came across a book I’ve always been interested in reading but never have, She Said Yes. This is a short book written by Misty Bernall, the mother of 17 year old Cassie Bernall, a victim of the Columbine shooting horror of 1999. Misty wrote this book in the weeks and months that followed her daughter’s death (something she took some criticism for) and I think she does such an amazing job of showing the very real, raw pain of grieving and also the amazing redemptive power of remembering and allowing others to learn from your experience.

While by no means a polished, eloquent writer Misty is personal, honest, and vulnerable in her sharing of the ups and downs of parenting Cassie throughout some very rough spells of rebellion and spiritual warfare. She doesn’t preach at all but rather allows the events and circumstances speak for themselves. One thing she does reiterate throughout is the importance of being present with your kids and doing your best to enjoy each stage of their life – a reminder we all need daily, sometimes hourly!

Although many people focus on the end of Cassie’s life, the fact that she said “Yes” when asked at gunpoint if she believed in God (and I don’t want to downplay the significance and amiability of this) but I felt the real power of her story is in the journey Cassie took to get to a place in her life where she really did believe in God in a real and personal way. Two years before her death Cassie was in a place in her life where she easily could have been one of the Columbine shooters rather than a victim. Through the sharing of Cassie’s own letters and testimonies from friends it is very evident that Cassie had given her soul to Satan at that point in her life and had surrounded herself with “friends” who had done the same. It’s eerie to read the letters Misty and her husband found that lead to their family completely uprooting themselves, her quitting her prestigious job, and them devoting themselves 100% to redirecting Cassie’s life. Their struggle was very real and not at all one I hope to ever know first hand but it’s one that too many parents have known and are currently facing.

Of course my favorite aspect of the book is that Cassie does find God in a very real, personal, genuine way. And yet her struggle still continued, as it does for all of us, to feel worthy of God’s love and to incorporate our faith in real and tangible ways. Cassie was 17 when she died but the insight she had into life was amazing. She was a very honest girl who struggled with all the same issues any kid her age (and much older) feels internally but often doesn’t explore very deeply: faith, esteem, friendship, marriage, good vs. evil, body image, family relationships.

I highly recommend this book on both a personal and parenting level. It’s another book that would be good to have around to re-read sections of as children get older and new issues and battles arise and we forget the fragility of life and the absolutely amazing gift it is to be a parent.